Bloody Perfect
by Lokelani
Summary: “...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...”, Remus isn’t dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn’t deal well with life. Written before HBP. RLSS, Slash! CHAPTER 6 POSTED!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em! Oh how I wish I did, but I digress!  
  
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.  
  
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno. There is no slash in the first chapter, just angst.  
  
A/N: Okay, so let's give this a try. Remus may seem OOC at the time but this is how I think he'd act right after the death of Sirius so bare with me, he will get more Lupin-like in later chapters. Starts off kind of angsty but becomes less so in later chapters.  
  
Prologue  
  
Remus awoke with a start. His blood shot eyes searched hastily around the small room for the source of the noise that had awoken him. Silence prevailed. He was too jumpy. As you would be with all your best friends gone, and a crazed maniac loose on the world. Tears welled up in his eyes, it always returned to that, death.  
  
'Oh Padfoot, why'd you leave me so alone in the world', he thought vainly.  
  
Padfoot, Prongs, Lil and Wormtail, all gone. The Wormtail of old had been dead for years, but now Wormtail was actually dead. Thanks to the vengefulness of the Order in their last attack on the Death Eater HQ, the sadistic older version of his short, chubby childhood friend had died for the fucking Great Lord himself. Why? It was selfish of him to ask such questions, he should be grateful for his life and his health, ha, his health. He wasn't sure if he was even sane, he felt like his body and mind were wearing down, soon there'd be nothing left.  
  
Remus lifted himself from the large four-post bed that took up most of the room; he untangled himself from the thin pale sheets. It was no use for him to try and sleep now and another night of endless brooding or silent tears would do nothing for his haggardness. He stumbled towards the bedroom door; it creaked slightly upon being opened.  
  
Walking more steadily down the hallway, he made little note of his surroundings, he knew the same drab, pealing wallpaper within his own room decorated the rest of the blasted Black manor. He really shouldn't have stayed here, but he hadn't been able to leave yet. Leaving the house would be finally leaving the last part of Sirius that remained. But he would have to soon, staying within the house all by himself, save for the OofP members who visited, was unhealthy. The members never stayed long, they had their own grief to deal with. Remus had pushed away anyone's attempts of comfort anyway. He needed to accept it on his own, and he finally did, now all that was left was to leave the house and get on with his life. But he'd become more of an outcast then he ever had been before. Being a werewolf drove away people from the outside and his grief drove away those close to him. Another reason he stayed within the house, damn werewolf. He growled under his breath. He hadn't been able to find a job in quite awhile, not that he cared anymore.  
  
'Who needed money when you were going to die anyway' Remus thought bitterly.  
  
The Potter's and the Black's had had money, and look where they were now. He was going to join them soon, the only place he'd be accepted is with them, dead. He started to chuckle and be long he was laughing uncontrollably. It was an eerie, crazed, almost hyena like laugh. He arrived at the kitchen in tears. The company, which till this point had been talking quietly among themselves, looked up in surprise. Silence was instilled.  
  
'Right' Remus thought to himself. 'There's a meeting tonight, they didn't want to disturb me.' This thought only made Remus laugh harder and more crazed then before.  
  
"Remus?" came the startled voice of Mrs. Weasley. "Are you alright dear?" she asked him uncertainly.  
  
Wrong question. With great effort Remus ceased his laughing and plastered a fake grin on his face before speaking.  
  
"Why yes I believe I am, considering recent events I feel quite alright. Now if you'll excuse me I think I'll have a spot of tea and then go kill myself."  
  
A slight gasp escaped Minerva's lips at the forwardness of his words. The rest of the group watched as he grabbed a cup and filled it. No one in the room dared to speak. Tonks looked as if she was going to get up and approach him but she saw the look in his eyes and shrunk back into her chair fearfully. Sturgis Podmore, one of the other members Remus had gone to school with and now the new DADA teacher, looked at him with pitying eyes. He also looked like he was going to try and comfort Remus, but remained sitting as well.  
  
"I'll be talking to you all later," Remus said with the same light tone as before, "Or not depending on my mood". He spared a moment to wink at Tonks and exited the same way he'd arrived, through fits of laughter.  
  
*****  
  
No one spoke for a full 10 mins after Remus' visit. Then finally Minerva gained the courage to voice her thoughts.  
  
"Do...do you think we should make sure he doesn't...you know," Minerva ended lamely.  
  
"Don't worry Minerva dear, he's been like this before, when Lily and James died and he didn't try anything. We're all so used to the cheery Remus that this side of him comes as a surprise. I also have placed an anti- suicide charm on him, we'll know if he tries anything," Dumbledore said in his confident manner but he seemed just as shaken as Minerva.  
  
"Well isn't this bloody perfect," Snape burst out in frustration, "Not only is Black dead and everyone is walking around as if they were the ones who died, we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment, how bloody beautiful," Snape sneered.  
  
His words didn't sit well with Moody, "How dare you be so fucking insensitive," he raged, "you'd think after all the pain and death you've been through you'd understand how bloody horrible Remus feels. And I don't think you should be the one to judge him. You've been wallowing in self- pity and self-loathing ever since...well you know what! And I happen to have noticed more scars on your wrist then usual."  
  
Snape's eyes grew large, he looked furious, the remaining members of the Order were staring at him intently. Sturgis was attempting a "Snape glare" but was failing miserably. Snape tried to pull the sleeves of his robes further down, then after several moments of silence he jerked himself off his stool. He stamped out of the kitchen sending his famous death glare towards all. Breaking their silent self-reflections.  
  
Albus sighed heavily.  
  
"Albus?" Moody questioned.  
  
"It seems they have taken this the worst, Severus is still beating himself up for his mistakes and this just reinforced them, and Remus has lost his best friend, but he's also lost Lily and James all over again. I'll keep my eyes on them."  
  
The meeting grimly restarted and remained dark for the rest of the evening. *****  
  
A/N: First chapter....yay! So does it suck? Or is it good? Continue or not? I have some cute stuff written so hopefully someone will want more! Review, no flames for my pairings tho, I'm sorry if I have weird taste! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! 


	2. Soft

Disclaimer: The people, place and situations surrounding the story are not mine. Sturgis Podmore's personality and history (the little I put in) is, but he' is actually mentioned in the 5th book, like one, for anyone who was wondering.  
  
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.  
  
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno.  
  
A/N: Thanks to all that reviewed! WOOT! I love you guys!  
  
Chapter 1: SOFT  
  
Snape tore up the stairs and through the halls, searching for some refuge from the others and himself. He came to the study and threw himself into an armchair in front of the cold hearth. He liked the dark damp silence of the room, it reminded him of his own quarters just a level above the dungeons of Hogwarts.  
  
Sitting in the darkness his rage slowly dissipated, it was replaced by a great sadness that always resided somewhere within the death eater's mind. He sighed audibly, a wave of guilt washed over him. Who was he to regard Lupin in such a manner; the man had a bloody good reason for feeling the way he did. Hadn't Snape himself loathed Lupin for being so cheery all the time considering how shitty Lupin's life had become? Lupin was so alone and lost.  
  
'Just like you', said a tiny voice within his head. Severus could feel his eyes welling up.  
  
"Bloody hell," he yelled into the darkness. Severus Snape did NOT cry, 'oh no' said the same tiny voice as hot liquid tears traced their way down his cold gaunt cheeks.  
  
**** Remus wandered aimlessly after leaving the company of others. He rather enjoyed the attention they'd FINALLY paid towards him. Though he felt somewhat embarrassed regarding his actions. They probably thought he was crazy, Remus smiled, he probably was. He leaned against the wall of the hallway, and slumped to the floor. Silently sipping his tea, clearing his mind of everything. Slowly his insane demeanour and thoughts gave way to those of a worn lonely man. He had to stop letting the wolf side take over him in his times of grief.  
  
Long after his tea was gone he sat in silence, he heard sounds from below, the meeting was ending. Fear of having to face them caused Remus to get to his feet hastily. He looked around to try and situate himself. He was in the hallway off the study, perfect, he could hide there until they left, or those who were staying the night were in their rooms.  
  
***** Snape was so deep within his own ravine he didn't notice the door of the study creep open and a skinny wane figure slip through.  
  
*****  
  
Remus' eyes were still clouded by tears threatening to fall; he could barely make out the furniture of the room. He moved towards the sofa at the back of the room beside the bookcase, far behind the armchair that faced the fireplace. 'The sofa was Padfoot's favourite place to "read"', Remus choked and found it hard to breath for a moment.  
  
He noticed the feeling of someone or something else within the room, 'Probably just the memory of Sirius,' he rationalized. He couldn't smell much through his sensitive nose, then again it was completely stuffed up from a night of crying. He slinked over to couch and curled up into a tight ball on it, whimpering slightly as he started to drift off into yet another fitful sleep.  
  
***** Snape sat up in alarm a couple of hours later, his eyes widely searching his surroundings for the imposing Death Eater that had been about to strike him. He sighed with relief when he realized where he was.  
  
'Just another dream', he thought as he glanced up at the old wooden clock on the mantel.  
  
'Damn, too late for me to travel home. I'll have to just sleep here'. He shuttered at the thought. He stiffly got up, scanning the room; he turned around and saw the couch. He would sleep there, no use trying to find a bedroom this late at night. Making his way towards the couch he noticed it moved slightly, breathing. He took out his wand and approached the lump on the couch, it look distinctly human.  
  
"Lumos," he said softly and looked into the face of his old school mate. Snape jumped back in surprise. What in god's name was Lupin doing there. Snape took a closer look; Lupin was more pathetic and awfully more worn then usual, especially curled up like a puppy.  
  
'A scruffy cute puppy' Snape thought, the comprehension of this dawned on him and he choaked, '....NO, an evil man-eating werewolf,' Snape started to back away. Remus sat up straight, eyes still closed.  
  
"No," Remus mumbled desperately. Snape jumped, he must have woken him up.  
  
'Damn', Snape swore quietly, he was in no mood to deal with the insane wolf man now.  
  
"Don't Sirius," Remus called urgently.  
  
"What?" Snape whispered and he took a closer look, Lupin was sleep talking.  
  
"Stay here Padfoot, we'll go after Harry," Remus said in an angry voice.  
  
Snape approached yet again, and tried coaxing the distraught man back to a silent sleep, careful not to wake him fully. Snape sat down on the couch and gently forced the werewolf to lie back down. Lupin became silent and his breathing returned to normal. Snape only realized then that Lupin had his robes grasped tightly in his hands.  
  
"Damn," Snape swore under his breath. How was he going to get out of this one? He tried to stand up, after removing Remus' hands. Remus' stirred. Snape stopped, the movement stopped and Snape backed away from the couch again.  
  
Remus turned his head towards him and cried out, " No don't go, Padfoot, I need you," and tears started to form under his closed eyes. Snape sighed and sat back down and coaxed the man into a comfortable silence yet again. Snape leaned on the armrest. Fucking Bloody Perfect. He tired to sleep despite the man lying on his lap, once again clutching the sleeves of his robe.  
  
"Bloody Perfect," Snape muttered again, before falling into a much-deserved sleep.  
  
****  
  
The sun's rays were just peeking through the shutters of the study's windows, when the stooped figure of Albus Dumbledore, poked his head into the room. Having stayed the night to ensure Remus' safety, he'd become worried when he hadn't found Remus in his room in the morning. Seeing the two sleeping figures on the couch, his eyes twinkled, the annoying way they do.  
  
"Finally," he whispered to the darkness.  
  
He looked once more at the pair and left the room with a small smile on his face.  
  
****  
  
Remus turned his head slightly to avoid the sun's light, and snuggled closer to the warm body next to him. He opened his eyes a little and looked at the black robed arm that was draped across his side.  
  
Remus gasped in surprise, 'Sirius?' he thought. No, Sirius was dead and one of them was always gone by morning if anything ever happened between them, which it rarely had. 'Who?' He shifted to try and look at the face of the person he currently half lay on. He couldn't get a full view of the face because it was hidden behind greasy black hair, but he caught a glimpse of the person's pale gaunt cheeks. They were both fully clothes, which eliminated the idea of it having been a one night stand, this had been Lupin's first idea. Plus he never brought anyone to the Black mansion out of respect for Sirius.  
  
'Wait!?!?' Said a shocked voice inside his head. Remus turned his equally surprised face towards the man.  
  
He thought hard, '...Black robes, greasy hair, pale scary cheeks, holy fuck!' The man shifted with Remus' movement and his fears were confirmed, SEVERUS SNAPE!  
  
Remus yelped and sat up in surprise, he started to topple off the couch. Snape was woken by the sound and instinctly reached to catch Lupin before he fell. Remus righted himself and shook off Snape's hand. Snape stared at him in disbelief.  
  
"Lupin?!?" Snape demanded.  
  
"Severus," he hissed in reply, "What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked forgoing his usual politeness, given the situation and recent events that left him mourning.  
  
"Me?" Snape cried, "What are you doing here, werewolf?" he spat.  
  
Remus sneered, " If you haven't noticed I happen to live here."  
  
"Really?" Snape asked sarcastically, "I meant here on the couch with...me!"  
  
"I don't bloody know, I woke up and you were there. I didn't know you found me so irresistible Sevvie," He said mockingly. Remus knew perfectly well that Snape had been teased in school a many times for having too much of an unhealthy obsession with Remus Lupin, but Snape always denied ever liking guys.  
  
Snape glared and was about to reply with one of his usual comments when the memories of the night before came flooding back, "Shit," he said, "I remember."  
  
Remus, "Well?"  
  
"I feel no need to explain myself to you Lupin. But if it will put you at ease, nothing of the sort happened. I was merely in the armchair over there thinking, some truly evil plots I might add and I fell asleep." He explained  
  
Remus waited patiently for him to continue.  
  
"I woke up to you screaming to Black in the middle of the night," he said disgustingly. Remus' face pained at the name. "And I tried to make you shut up," Snape said coldly, "When I finally did, I couldn't leave because you bloody well attached yourself to my arm. I was in no mood to deal with a depressed, deranged werewolf a little over a week from the full moon. So I said fuck this and went to sleep."  
  
Remus looked at him suspiciously, he betrayed none of the hurt or embarrassment he was feeling inside. Remus finally got up and headed for the door, but before he was half across the room, Snape leaped up and grabbed his am, jerking Remus around to face him.  
  
"What?" Remus growled.  
  
"Don't go bloody telling people I got a bloody soft side, the shock alone may kill poor Potter and that wouldn't do," Snape hissed.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't, because you don't have a fucking soft side, Albus probably put something in your bloody tea," Remus replied.  
  
Snape nodded arrogantly and glided past Remus and out the door.  
  
"Bloody Perfect," Remus swore under his breath and followed Severus out but turned up the stairs towards his rooms to clean up.  
  
***** Snape stormed into the kitchen after a short stop at the levy. He poured a cup of coffee and sat down heavily on one of the chairs, interrupting Mrs.Weasley and Dumbledore's discussion. The two, along with Moody, Podmore and Mr.Weasley had stayed the night.  
  
"Good morning Severus," Molly said brightly.  
  
She received an incoherent grunt in response.  
  
"I trust you slept well?" Dumbledore asked what would have been an innocent question if it hadn't been for the knowing gleam in his damn twinkling eyes. Snape looked up sharply, sending a meaningful glare his way. Molly shook her head and resumed her discussion with Dumbledore about Dragonsteeth or something.  
  
Podmore and Moody came down the stairs together a couple minuets later. And Remus shortly after with more pleasantries then Snape and what would have been deemed more like his usual Lupin-ness. Sturgis attempted some kind of conversation with the man but Lupin excused himself after grabbing his cup of coffee, returning to his rooms to wallow. Apparently keeping a cheery face in front of the others to divert attention had taken more out of him then he'd realized.  
  
***** After Snape had flooed back to Hogwarts he started to feel much more like himself, too bad it was Saturday, he would have loved to take some points off his least favourite house. That was still possible but searching out Griffindors was not high on his list of things to do. He still couldn't understand what had gotten into him, comforting that bloody werewolf. Werewolf...dammit, he had to finish the bloody potion for him. It worked most effectively if taken about a week before the transformation. Lupin would be there tomorrow to pick up the potion. How he didn't want to see that man, especially after last night, he needed a Butterbeer. After finishing the potion, he decided to make an appearance at lunch; maybe he could take some points. He glided through the hallways, glaring at all the students, taking points from the three other houses. He wasn't pissed off enough to take points from his own house, but he was fairly close.  
  
He took a seat next to Dumbledore after being motioned by the man to do so. He stared intently at his place, waiting for the meal to start. The noise was starting to get unbearable; maybe he shouldn't have come up after all.  
  
"Severus," Dumbledore leaned over to talk to him, "Remus will be here to receive his potion tomorrow is that not correct?"  
  
Snape mumbled a yes in reply.  
  
"Poor boy," Dumbledore said with a sigh, "I think he should stay for a couple days after he collects the potion" He looked towards a depressed Harry Potter who was outside the laughing world of his fellow housemates, it was a week into the new school year, and having his friends around had helped the boy but he was still quite depressed. "I think Mr. Potter would greatly appreciate some comfort after recent events with Mr....Black."  
  
"Um...Albus, why are you telling ME this?" Snape asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well you'll be seeing Remus, so I thought you could tell him of my invite, he can come to me for rooms." Dumbledore said with a twinkle, as usual.  
  
"If I must," Snape said grudgingly, feeling somewhat like a child being told to take his younger brother to the park. But in truth he'd even do that if Dumbledore asked.  
  
Snape finished his meal quickly and rushed out of the Great Hall, he couldn't stand the disgusting cheeriness of the hall, after the sadness that had surrounded everyone last night. He really wanted to go to the Three Broomsticks for a drink but he had to monitor the stupid hallways after supper.  
  
***** "Ron," came a nervous female voice, "Where are you?"  
  
"Right her 'Mione, scare you?" Ron smiled, as he slipped from under the cloak, "Got the cloak, let's go get Harry and we'll go to Hagrid's" Ron continued ignoring Hermione's miffed look.  
  
"Why didn't he come with you?" Hermione asked as she scrambled out of bed fully clothed.  
  
"He was kind of distant, I was hoping you could get him out of the room, I was never good at this kind of stuff," Ron rouged slightly and followed Hermione out of the dorms as she rolled her eyes.  
  
They crossed the common room quietly and sneaked into the boy's dorm room.  
  
"Come on Harry," Hermione called as they approached his bed, "Hagrid's got some yummy rock hard cakes waiting for us."  
  
"I don't know if this is a good idea..." Harry replied emotionlessly.  
  
"That's it, I can't stand to see you like this, come on a nice evening out will make you feel a little better," Ron said and motioned to Hermione. They dragged Harry out towards Hagrid's hut.  
  
*****  
  
Snape heard voices around the corner as he was returning from his duties. He could make out three distinct voices, great the Golden Trio; he'd love to get them caught. He listened, eavesdropping, a bad habit of his.  
  
*****  
  
"Oh Harry, it's okay to cry we won't think any less of you," Hermione said comfortingly, "No one did when Ron cried."  
  
Ron blushed, "We loved him too Harry, maybe not as much as you but we're here for you," Ron added.  
  
"Thanks guys, I just can't believe, he's, he's....gone" Harry said helplessly, it had taken him the whole summer to realize that he was gone and wouldn't be coming back. He had been almost happy coming back to Hogwarts, which had made him feel guilty and sad all over again. It hurt.  
  
"It's so fucking unfair," Harry shouted in exasperation. Hermione and Ron started at his outburst; Harry had been quiet most of the time. "Everyone I love dies, you guys should run while you can before the bloody Harry Potter gets us all killed."  
  
His other 2/3's gasped. Hermione was the first to recover, "Never Harry, we'll never leave, we were there from the stone to the veil and we'll always be there."  
  
"Yah," Ron added his sentiments, "Don't worry mate, we've attached ourselves to you and we an't going anywhere....like a fungus, like the kind Percy had on his..." Hermione silenced him with a glare. Harry smiled at his best friends; they rounded the corner and ran into Snape.  
  
The cloak, the trio and Snape all fell to the floor. Snape stood up furious, he'd became so interested in their conversation he hadn't paid attention to where they were, he stood up, ready to rain down his wrath. But before he could he looked straight into Harry's puffy, red rimmed, green eyes, Lily Evans' eyes. The eyes that had stopped Potter's pranks in 7th year. He couldn't cause any more pain, damn his soft side, damn Remus' sad puppy dog eyes, the other night.  
  
"Potter, Weasley, Granger," he sneered, hiding his weakness.  
  
Ron shook, Hermione stammered a "Sir?" but instead of the defiant stare one would usually receive from a Potter, there was a listless, unfazed look. Snape broke within.  
  
"I advise next time you keep your voices down lest you wake the whole castle," he spat.  
  
He received looks of disbelief from Ron and Hermione.  
  
"Well?" He demanded, " be off with you, and stop wasting my time," Snape brushed past the surprised trio, cloak billowing.  
  
Upon reaching his rooms, Snape slumped into a chair in front of the fire, poured himself a much needed glass of brandy, damn he was getting soft.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: hey, what'd you think? I hope Snape wasn't too OOC! Review PLEASE! Next chapter: Snape, Lupin, drinking, ugly duvets and other such fun things. Oh and no one ask about Percy's "fungus" you don't wanna know! :) 


	3. Drinks and Duvets

Disclaimer: The people, place and situations surrounding the story are not mine. You may find several characters tied up in my basement, but don't tell J.K Rowling they're there!  
  
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.  
  
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno.  
  
A/N: Hey all! Yay! New chapter! Lol! Took me long enough! The funny thing is I had it all typed up weeks ago, but my comp died...sorry! hopefully the next one won't be as long coming! And the story gets a LOT less angsty from here.  
  
Chapter 2: Drinks and Duvets!  
  
Remus had put off his visit to Snape's quarters to collect his potion, forgetting it by Sunday night. The weekend had pasted by uneventful at the Black mansion and Sunday evening found Remus drinking gin while looking at old Hogwart's albums. He came upon a picture of Severus Snape glaring at James Potter, he leapt to the fireplace, remembering his need for a certain potion.  
  
Flooing to the Potion's classroom, he found it empty, he stumbled to the office where Snape usually awaited him. No Severus, he must be in his rooms. Having little idea where they could be, Remus wandered around the dungeons and the floor above, knocking on random portraits, getting very grouchy looks from many of the paintings.  
  
*****  
  
Snape heard the pounding on the walls of the hallways outside his rooms, "Lupin," Snape growled.  
  
Exiting his rooms. He found the tired looking man banging on a picture of a fox hunt a couple paintings down. "Lupin" Snape called.  
  
The slouched man jumped and turned to him.  
  
"Goddamn Lupin, you look like shit", Snape exclaimed in surprise, and he did, Remus' eyes were glazed, his clothes were rumpled, and he still hadn't shaved.  
  
"You're a prize yourself Severus dear," Remus slurred his words, "I need the ah...ah...potion, unless you want to wait till tomorrow."  
  
"No come in," Snape beckoned Remus sharply towards his private rooms. "It's in the store room, I'll get it. Feel free to pour yourself a drink," he said in mock politeness, not like Lupin hadn't had enough already, Snape noted as Remus swayed a little where he stood.  
  
Remus slouched in one of the chairs and stared intently at the fire.  
  
Snape returned with the vile and shoved it towards the beaten man. He poured himself a second drink from the almost full canter. He lost himself within the flames before he realized Remus was still sitting in the chair next to him.  
  
"Lupin" Snape yelled to the half-awake man, he shoved a glass towards him and motioned to the canter. He waited till Lupin had poured himself some.  
  
"Dumbledore wants you to stay for the next couple days, for Potter's sake," Snape spat. He hated being Albus' lacky.  
  
Lupin laughed demonically, "What could I do for him, look at me, I'm a fucking wreck, I mean I was starting to accept that fact, like I did Lil and James, but with Wormtail and all, loneliness is maddening." Remus downed his glass and poured himself some more. Snape followed suit.  
  
"If you're looking for sympathy..." Snape started with a growl.  
  
"I an't gettin' it. Yah I know, for god's sake Severus could you be civil for one fucking evening?" Remus cried in exasperation.  
  
Snape started to retort but stopped himself, why not, he hated drinking alone and if the only company he could come by was Lupin's, he'd deal. "Fine" he spat, "Have a couple drinks. But after that go find Dumbledore."  
  
Remus smiled slightly, "Why don't we start again then," Remus held out his hand, Snape raised his eyebrow. "I'm Remus Lupin, a crazy werewolf with no life,"  
  
Snape rolled his eyes; this was going to be a long night. "Severus Snape", he returned coldly.  
  
*****  
  
Two hours later, the canter more then half empty, the fire dieing, the two man sat, no slumped, barely sitting in their chairs, both completely buggered, pouring out their woes.  
  
"....and she left you because of your choice of bedcovers," Remus laughed hysterically at Snape's failed love story.  
  
"Yah" Snape responded, joining in the drunken laughter. " Have a look for yourself, it's a pretty nasty colour" he slurred. He pulled himself difficultly to his feet and dragged Lupin with him. Remus laughed and stumbled along with him, each leaning heavily on each other.  
  
"See?" Snape asked almost incoherently and laughed as Remus raised his eyebrows to the puke green colored-duvet and then to Snape.  
  
"Not black, Snape you surprise me," Remus spat out between giggles. "But I think it's S-E-X-Y anyway, Sevvie."  
  
Snape returned the eyebrow raise, and smirked a smirk to rival any Malfoy's. "Really?"  
  
"Really" Remus confirmed, leaning into Snape's face, brushing his lips against the other man's.  
  
Snape stared, surprised for a second, but smiled a drunken smile. He pushed Lupin towards the bed.  
  
"OH I don't think you want to do that Mr.Lupin." Snape said kneeling beside where Remus had fallen on the bed.  
  
"I bet I do," Lupin's lips quirked.  
  
This was more then Snape could take, he pulled Lupin into a full-fledged snogging fest. Limbs flailing to rid themselves of clothing and all other thoughts fled their heads.  
*****  
  
'Ow', Snape groaned, he would never drink that much again he opened his eyes, but shut them quickly to the brightness of the little light streaming through the tiny ground level windows.  
  
His head felt like a sledgehammer had hit it, he untangled his arms from the rumpled sheets and the chest of the man next to him, to rub his temples despairingly. Snape opened his eyes again, whomever the man was he still looked asleep. He must have been pretty pissed to invite some stranger home, a man no less, considering he'd hardly admitted to himself he was gay. It was unlike him to be so forward when it came to sex. He leaned forward to get a better look at the bedside clock, 6:30am, fuck it; he'd skip breakfast at 7. Classes didn't start till 8:30 anyway; he wrapped his arms around the other man again and fell asleep. He'd think about what to do when he wasn't so tired.  
  
*****  
  
Hermione, Ron and Harry rushed into breakfast, afraid of being late, they soon realized others had overslept, it being the first weekend after school started.  
  
"Bloody Mondays" Ron grumbled before digging in.  
  
"Hey, look Snape's not here either, maybe he'll be late for potions this morning," Harry said hopefully.  
  
"Probably still fuming over not getting us expelled on Saturday," Ron responded through his mouthful of ham and eggs.  
  
"Or maybe", said Ginny, who had just sat down, picking up the conversation, "He had a hot date." She giggled. Ginny was always excited about other people's love lives.  
  
"Ew, Ginny, god, I can't believe you're my sister, that's just gross," Ron blanched.  
  
"Well it would explain his weird behaviour the other day, maybe he's in love," Hermione said logically, she and Ginny loved ganging up on Ron.  
  
"Ew, not you too 'Mione," Ron choked and turned to Harry, "Can you believe these two?"  
  
"Huh, oh yah, that's great Ron," Harry responded listlessly, he was watching the owls coming in, no messages from Snuffles, ever, he sighed deeply. The others exchanged concerned looks.  
  
*****  
  
The school bell rang, to signify a half an hour till classes, Snape jerked awake in surprise, damn, breakfast was almost over and classes were soon. He struggled to wake himself up completely; he pushed himself up till he was sitting on the edge of the bed.  
  
Remus moaned and asked, "What time is it?" in a groggy voice, muffled by the feather pillows. He turned to towards the naked back of Snape.  
  
Remus thought, 'Where am I?'  
  
"It's 8:10," Snape responded sharply turning towards Remus, still tangled in the sheets. Their eyes locked, recognition dawned on both their faces. They both yelped in surprise and Snape lost consciousness for a several minutes.  
  
When he came to, Remus was rushing (stumbling) around the room, cursing madly, holding his head with one hand, and gathering up his discarded clothes with the other.  
  
"Fuck" Snape yelled loudly and followed, gathering his own belongings and raced towards the on suite bathroom.  
  
"Exactly," Remus yelled through the door as it closed behind Snape, "That's exactly what happened."  
  
Snape burst out of the bathroom still half dressed, "How did this happen?" he raved at Remus as he went into the living room to grab their wands, magic would make things simpler.  
  
"I think you'd better explain yourself Severus," Remus stated commandingly, he followed Snape out and grabbed his own wand to finish dressing.  
  
"ME???" Snape yelled in return, "You're the one in my bloody rooms!"  
  
"Well..." Remus said slowly rubbing his head thoughtfully, " We're definitely hung over," he laughed and pointed to the glasses and brandy canter.  
  
"Well no shit," Snape hissed, "Not that you could tell with you, you're that ugly hung over or not" Snape felt the need for some insults to re- establish himself, not his best, but it was still early.  
  
"Well you didn't seem to find me so unattractive last night," Remus smirked before the real meaning of his own words sunk in, he groaned and brought his hands to his temples again.  
  
"You little..." Snape's eyes blazed, as he turned to throttle Lupin.  
  
The school bell rung, to begin classes before he could leap. Abandoning Lupin he quickly got ready and raced the short distance to his 6th year Slytherins and Gryffindors class (A/N: bet you never saw that one coming huh? Smile). The entire class turned to him as he banged the door open and stormed into the classroom late. Had Snape's head been pounding less he could have come up with a legitimate reason for being late but the shock of what happened hadn't worn off. He felt no need to justify himself anyway he glared at the students.  
  
Snape swept through the aisles to his desk and immediately began searching through his desk drawer for his headache potions. He finally found some and drank greedily, only then did he look up at the class, to his surprise they all sat staring at him, even Granger wasn't working.  
  
"Well?" he demanded icily, " Get to work."  
  
The students looked at each other questioningly and a hand shot up, Granger's of course.  
  
"Yes Ms. Granger," Snape said in an exasperated tone.  
  
"Sir you haven't given us a potion to do," she pointed at the board. Several students giggled before catching Snape's glare, needless to say each lost 5 house points.  
  
Snape growled and took out his wand to put the instructions on the board, shit his wand. He'd put it down to attack Lupin, he must heave been REALLY out of it to go at him like a some muggle and then forget his wand. First years weren't that stupid. Several students seemed to notice this and gasped.  
  
"Sir, would you like me to put one up there?" Hermione asked politely.  
  
"Yes," Snape sneered, " And 10 points from Gryffindor, for being so damn annoying,"  
  
Hermione gasped, and Ron attempted to glare a hole through him. Draco started laughing at the look of the Gryffindor's faces. Snape was in no mood, he turned swiftly towards the boy. "Oh shut your trap," he said and then smiled at the look on Draco's face. Snape made his way towards the classroom door, to retrieve his wand.  
  
"Ummm...sir?" came Hermione's voice again, less confident then before.  
  
'Does she ever shut up?' Snape thought, "YES?" he said impatiently.  
  
"What potion?" she asked.  
  
"Oh," Snapes mouth dropped open, "Potion, right, potion, I don't bloody care what potion. Take one from page 189 in your textbooks or something. He growled and stormed out of the classroom.  
  
"Well," Ron turned to his friends, " That was very....interesting?"  
  
Harry just sat there stunned.  
  
"So who wants to ask him for the supplies we need when he gets back?" Hermione asked.  
  
The two boys just gawked at her, "What?" she demanded, "What?"  
  
*****  
  
After Severus had left, Remus went to the bathroom to wash his face, being honestly scared of what he saw, he decided a shower would help. Dumbledore had left a note asking him to meet in his office around 10, he had time, and he needed to be presentable after all. He still wasn't sure how much he liked the idea that Dumbledore somehow knew he was in Severus' rooms, 'Bloody man has spies,' he grumbled.  
  
How much he didn't want to stay in Snape's quarters what with last night, but he wasn't about to go wandering around Hogwarts looking for a bathroom. He rang a house elf and had tea and scones sent up for after his shower. He was just pouring himself some tea, while still in one of Severus' black fluffy towels, when Severus came into the room furious. 'That man has some anger issues.' Remus thought.  
  
"Hello Severus," Remus said in his polite cheerful Lupin-voice, causing the other man to jump.  
  
"Lupin," Snape sneered. He looked to Remus, taking in the teacup and his clothing, well lack-there-of. 'Wow, he actually has abs,' Snape mentally slapped himself for that thought. " What are YOU still doing here?" He demanded.  
  
"Spending as little time as possible, I assure you," Lupin retorted, "I couldn't very well go see Albus looking like I took a tumble with some nasty creature," He smiled, he could be evil when he wanted to be. Snape's eyes grew wide with anger, he marched up to Remus until he was mere inches from his face, "You dirty dog" he spat, "Get changed and out of my rooms this instant!" he roared.  
  
"With pleasure," Remus returned, smile never faltering; he spun on his heels to get the remains of his clothes from the bathroom.  
  
Snape rubbed his temples again, "Bloody Perfect," he snatched his wand from the nearby table and was gone.  
*****  
  
He returned to find his class in uproar; it mostly was centered around the Dream Team, mostly Granger and Malfoy.  
  
"Mudblood" "Ferret" "Bucktooth" "Pureblood Whore" and it went on back and forth, with Harry and Ron trying to avoid the threatening looks they were receiving from Malfoy's bulk of friends. Wands came out, and Snape intervened, when he realized no one noticed him.  
  
"THAT IS ENOUGH" Snape's voice boomed over the class, Hermione and Draco dropped their wands in surprise.  
  
"Ms. Granger and Mr. Malfoy, I have had quite enough of this. You both will be serving a month's detention with Filch." Draco's eyes went wide with disbelief, "TOGETHER" Snape stated, watching both their faces turn slightly green. "And Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, 10 points off each for doing nothing to help the situation."  
  
"Well? Class, get to work", with a swish of his wand the ingredients appeared on the desks. The students moved to start their potions.  
  
The rest of the class was uneventful and reasonably quiet, except for the odd whisper between the students concerning Snape's weird behaviour. Snape spent most of the class with his head on his desk, rubbing his temples; he'd have to improve his headache potions. "Bloody werewolf," he mumbled. He didn't notice the weird looks he received from Potter at this.  
  
The bell rang and the students rushed to pour their potions into the vials and brought them up to Snape's desk. "Oh and before you go, note, there will be 20 points taken from Slytherin and Gryffindor, for your inability to be quiet while I'm out of the room,"  
  
The Slytherin's looked on in disbelief, the Gryffindors groaned, "And an extra 10 from Gryffindor, Ms. Granger, Mr. Malfoy is hardly the pureblood whore, Pansy is." He finished and stamped to his office, slamming the door shut before anyone could speak.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: So tell me what you think! Btw if any of you are wondering why Snape had a girlfriend, he didn't really realize he was gay till later in his life, which is the real reason why the girlfriend left...but all will be explained in time. Just didn't want you to think I'm crazy! LoL! Okay so next chapter (or the one after), Someone finds out gasp! Besides Dumbledore...'cuz man he knows everything. As always thankz for reading...and please review --- Sapphire 


	4. Headaches

Disclaimer: The people, place and situations surrounding the story are not mine.  
  
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.  
  
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno.  
  
A/N: Okay...soo this took me forever, and I lied, no one else finds out this chapter, I changed my idea, so hopefully next chapter...  
  
Chapter 3: Headaches  
  
Remus sat nervously in Dumbledore's office, not only did the Headmaster somehow know his whereabouts this morning, Albus had also been subjected to Remus' behavior last weekend. Remus still felt embarrassed about that. He was over sensitive and became dramatic when he was mourning. Remus rubbed his head, he still felt groggy but he had snatched a headache potion from Severus' medicine cabinets that morning.  
  
Dumbledore looked up from his papers and smiled sympathetically, "How are you Remus, my boy?"  
  
Remus bit back a retort, " Fine."  
  
Dumbledore's smile faded, "Don't worry about offending me, I know what it's like to loose someone close, no one expects you to be cheery at a time like this, me least of all."  
  
Remus could feel tears welling up yet again. The hollow painful feeling within him had gone ignored with the surprise this morning but it had returned, an ever present part of Remus' lonely life.  
  
Remus blinked back his tears, to save himself more embarrassment, " I know, but I hate to worry people and be such a problem." Remus gave Dumbledore a shy half smile.  
  
Dumbledore sighed, Remus had returned to his 'polite act'. "You know you never are." Remus gave him sheepish smile. "But I can't convince you, can I?" Remus looked down and Dumbledore sighed audibly. After several minutes of silence he continued. "So Severus told you of my invitation?" Dumbledore watched closely for the reaction, and was rewarded by a blush creeping over Remus' cheeks.  
  
"Um...yes...he um, did," Remus looked everywhere but Dumbledore's knowing eyes.  
  
Dumbledore chuckled, "So you will be staying then?"  
  
Remus looked up in surprise, " Why would I stay?" he asked defensively.  
  
Dmubledore raised an eyebrow, " Why for Harry's sake, unless there's some other reason?"  
  
Remus blushed harder, " Right, Harry, I mean, no, no other reason."  
  
Dumbledore smiled again, "I believe it will help him to have you around, Harry I mean."  
  
Remus scowled a little, this was not funny anymore. As if he could forget the fact he'd slept with Severus Snape, greasy git extraordinaire, and his dead best friend's enemy. He didn't need Dumbledore and his innuendos, but he couldn't very well tell off the respected leader of the Order. He gave Dumbledore a half-hearted smile to mask his thoughts.  
  
Dumbledore continued unperturbed, "Poor boy, you both need to spend some time together, it'll help you both."  
  
Remus and Dumbledore continued to discuss Harry and other facts of the world, but neither brought up Remus' actions of the weekend before.  
  
******  
  
Severus' roved around his office. It was immaculate. Severus prided himself in his organization; his potion ingredients were perfectly arranged by name, color and purpose. He tried to keep his Hogwarts life consistent and constant to counteract the spontaneity of his spy and Deatheater life. Lupin had screwed it up, now he had to reevaluate himself. It was only a drunken one-night stand he tried to convince himself.  
  
He had a free period so he left his office to go to his rooms and shower, he still smelt of brandy and Lupin's musty scent. It was driving him crazy.  
  
He stood in the shower, after a whole bar of soap he still felt unclean. He'd slept with a werewolf, not any werewolf, REMUS J. LUPIN! A marauder, Black and Potter's little dog, the same beast that had tried to kill him in fifth year. UGH!  
  
He finally finished and sat in his living room, reading. For some reason he felt the need to read up on werewolves. He scanned the pages searching for further reasons to hate Lupin. He came across a section on mating habits.  
  
"Werewolves mate for life," Severus read aloud. His eyes went wide; he dropped the book and leapt from his seat and out the door. He raced down the halls, the students in the halls stared in disbelief, the bat wasn't gliding. Snape was running, he was frantic mouths dropped open in shock.  
  
He burst into the library gaining a glare from Ms. Pince, which he completely ignored. He flew to the section on dark creature. He pulled the most reliable resource on werewolves from the shelf, the very book that he'd gotten most of the information for the Wolfsbane potion from. He quickly flipped to the section on mating, he knew his other text wouldn't be wrong and he knew in his mind it was the truth but he searched with a glimmer of hope that wasn't there. He stared at the page, his eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped to the floor.  
  
****  
  
Dumbledore chuckled as Remus finished another one of his famous Marauders stories, "It's always better when told in first person."  
  
Remus smiled, "We caused a lot of trouble didn't we?"  
  
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, "And much amusement I assure you."  
  
Remus thought back to his days, and suddenly to the prank that had solidified Severus' hate for him, he frowned, "And pain." He said quietly.  
  
Dumbledore remained silent.  
  
Remus looked up and broke into a strained smile, "Anyway, I should leave you to your work, it was nice to talk to you, as always Albus."  
  
"It was a pleasure." The Headmaster replied.  
  
Remus stood to leave, but stopped, "Oh, I forgot to ask about rooms."  
  
Dumbledore looked confused for a moment, "Oh? I was unaware you needed one; I thought you found yourself some suitable lodgings last night. " Remus turned beet red, "I..."  
  
He was interrupted by an out of breath Ms. Pince who came storming through the door.  
  
"Albus.... Severus fainted in the library, he was brought up to the hospital wing, but you always said to come to you straight away if anything happened to him...with his situation." Ms. Pince was one of the more trusted of Dumbledore's employees and was aware of Severus' situation.  
  
Dumbledore stood up and made his way to the door, "I'll see him in the hospital wing, thank you."  
  
Remus stood there stunned, Severus, he wasn't sure how he felt about this. He followed Dumbledore and Ms. Pince to the hospital wing. He wasn't sure if he was concerned anymore then his general concern for people, it was only Severus, and he felt he should be happy for his misfortune considering his feeling towards him after last night. But he felt guilt, as if it was his fault...odd.  
  
They reached the hospital wing and could hear shouts from within.  
  
"Get away from me bloody woman, I'm fine." Came Severus' angry voice.  
  
"Shut up and hold still Severus." Ms. Pomfrey commanded, "Goodness, you're acting like a child. Now take this potion and I'll let you leave."  
  
Severus grumbled and grabbed the potion.  
  
Dumbledore and Remus came into view as Severus downed the potion under the watchful eye of. Ms. Pomfrey.  
  
"Ah, I see you're taking good care of him as usual Poppy." Dumbledore said with his good-natured smile.  
  
"And he's being as difficult as ever," she complained. Severus sent them both a death glare; he had yet to notice Remus standing behind Dumbledore.  
  
"How is he?" Dumbledore asked the mediwitch.  
  
Ms. Pomfrey rolled his eyes, "He's fine, a false alarm, he refuses to tell me if he knows why he fainted. But as always I recommended he eat more and regularly, but it went on deaf ears."  
  
Severus crossed his arms defiantly.  
  
"You're free to go Severus, and if you'll excuse me I have other patients to attend to, good-day, Albus, Remus." She nodded to both.  
  
Severus' eyes darted in Remus' direction, Severus' eyes hardened. "Lupin," he hissed, "Come prolong my suffering?"  
  
Lupin started, he was always surprised by his harsh tone. "I wo...."  
  
Severus cut him off, "It's your fault."  
  
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, and Remus looked taken back, " MINE?!?!"  
  
Severus stood up; he rushed towards Remus and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, "Yes you idiot! I'm NOT the blood thirsty animal!"  
  
Remus' eyes flashed, he pushed Severus' hands away, his voice was icy, "I may be a werewolf, SNAPE, but I'm more human then you'll ever be." He turned and stalked out of the hospital wing.  
  
Severus growled. He hated when someone got the last word and Lupin had a way of doing that. Lupin obviously knew he was right, that's why he'd gotten so mad, the man had no right be here, talking to him like that. He was an animal and deserved to be treated like one. It was Lupin's fault that they'd be stuck with each other for the rest of their lives. Severus shuttered, he'd have to work out this 'mating' mess. Severus continued to insult Lupin in his head, but he couldn't get rid of the odd feeling in the pit of his stomach, guilt? Nah. He ignored Dumbledore's frowning disapproval and swept out of the hospital wing, maybe he was just hungry.  
  
*****  
  
Remus splashed water over his face; he stared into the bathroom mirror.  
  
'I'm not a beast, I'm a human' he repeated to himself. He could see the years of stress in the lines on his face. He felt sick; he had let the wolf side of him take over again. He was never free of it, him and the wolf were one in the same but why did it seem that sometimes they were two separate. He kept hearing Severus' words in his head, sure Severus had called him s filthy dog and other insults but this was different. This was like after the "incident" in fifth year, the accusing eyes. And like in fifth year Sirius wasn't there. Sirius had caused the damage in fifth year, he was to blame but if Remus hadn't been a werewolf none of this would have happened. The bell rang for lunch. Remus straightened himself up and put on his mask. He'd finished with his mourning, he'd finished with his hurt, he would become Remus Lupin, the cheery soft-spoken man. Harry needed that, not the hurt werewolf. He wouldn't let himself be hurt again, especially by Severus. 'Maybe last night wasn't nothing, after all,' he thought, but pushed it to the back of his mind and walked to the Great Hall.  
  
**** Harry flopped down in a seat next to Ron, "That was one long morning."  
  
Ron nodded and proceeded to stuff large amounts of food into his mouth.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and sat across from Harry and Ron, Ginny joined them shortly after splitting up from Luna.  
  
"So what was up with Snape?" Hermione asked looking up from her book.  
  
"Something's wrong with the git?" Ginny asked.  
  
Harry and Hermione told her the story, with added mutters of "slimy git" and "greasy prat" from Ron.  
  
"He even took points from Slytherin," Harry told an awed Ginny.  
  
"And THAT wasn't even the weirdest part," Hermione added.  
  
"Yah," Harry agreed, "he kept his head down on the desk, and he kind of looked like my uncle after his poker night. " Ginny giggled, "You mean hung-over?" she asked. The trio nodded.  
  
Harry was about to say something else when Remus Lupin walked through the Great Hall doors. Harry jumped up and made his way towards the haggard looking werewolf.  
  
"Professor Lupin," he cried to get Remus' attention.  
  
Remus' face broke into a smile, "Hello Harry."  
  
Harry stopped in front of him and eyed him up and down, he looked worse then the last time Harry had seen him. But Remus gave away none of his pain.  
  
Remus held out his hand to shake Harry's but Harry pulled him into a hug. Remus was taken by surprise but hugged Harry back. (A/N: no RL/HP slash)  
  
Harry let go somewhat embarrassed, there were several snickers from the Slytherin table. Hermione, Ginny and Ron came up behind Harry.  
  
Remus turned to them, he gave both Hermione and Ginny hugs and shook Ron's hand. "How have you all been?" he asked.  
  
Harry looked towards his feet, Remus gave him a pitying look and a pat on the shoulder, "I know Harry, don't worry you've still got me and I'm not going anywhere," he whispered to Harry.  
  
Harry smiled at his words, "I know."  
  
Remus looked up to the head table and watched as Dumbledore took his seat, obviously having left the hospital wing.  
  
"I would love to have a chat, but I think Dumbledore wants to introduce me and I am very hungry." Harry looked disappointed, "Don't worry after your classes we'll go down to Hagrid's and have some tea, kay?"  
  
The children nodded and Remus made his way to the head table taking a seat next to Filtwick near the end.  
  
****  
  
Severus refused to eat in the Great Hall, he did the only thing he could to calm himself down in his current state...he made deadly potions. He pushed the horrors of the day to the back of his mind and spent the entire lunchtime concocting a particularly deadly poison. By the time his afternoon classes arrived he was in a much better mood, a good enough mood to remember he favored Syltherin's, the 3rd Ravenclaws and Slytherins had a normal potions class, as did the rest of the classes for the day. Save for some funny looks from a certain Ginny Weasley.  
  
***** A/N: So yah...not too happy with this chapter...i hope you guys liked it! I really don't think this is as good as my others but I was impatient to get it up! PLEASE review, I love 'em!  
  
And btw shoutout to closet geek: Love yah Jenn! Next chapter more Snape/Lupin interaction and someone DOES find out! 


	5. Meaningless

Disclaimer: The people, place and situations surrounding the story are not mine.  
  
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.  
  
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno.  
  
A/N: umm....yah, so I'M SORRY!!!!!! *begs for forgiveness from anyone still reading it* Life got a little crazy, but still sorry about how long this took. I have exams now so I make no promises for next chapter being soon. I'm not so sure about this chapter, wrote at some god-awful hour on a plane. But thank you again to all my reviewers and to closet geek for betaing. Please enjoy! ;)  
  
Chapter 4: Meaningless  
  
~~~Remus lay awake staring at the dark green ceiling, he watched the flickering of the moonlight across it. He concentrated on the even, deep breathing of Sirius next to him. He didn't want to turn to look at him, because then the reality of what they were doing would have to be faced. Sirius had been lonely and lost after being in jail for so long and being betrayed by his best friend. He had used Remus as a way to feel whole again and, in turn, Remus had used him to curb his own loneliness. In a couple hours they'd leave the room, not a word spoken but the silent pact made. They weren't in love, hell Sirius wasn't even gay, and they just needed someone. After so many years they could be there for each other. Whenever one of them felt lonely and couldn't sleep the other would come to the rescue.  
  
A silent tear dripped down Remus' face, this is what they'd been reduced to. Rejects of society unable to find love or comfort anywhere else, reduced to a string of meaningless nights together. They were lost souls that couldn't even save the each other for more then an hour.  
  
He lifted himself from the bed and padded to his own room to change and then to the kitchen for something to sleep. Lately he couldn't even sleep with Sirius there. It wasn't right and it never would be again.~~~  
  
Remus jumped awake, he was disoriented for several moments. The fog cleared and he realized it had been a dream, well a memory really. He looked around, he was in the library, and he'd fallen asleep shortly after arriving. He shook his head, would nightmares of his best friends never leave him? At least this one hadn't been one where they died. Those often found him shaking and in a cold sweat.  
  
Now that his head was clear Remus knew instantly something was amiss. He sniffed, a wolf habit he'd developed over the years. Nothing smelled strange to him. His eyes searched the dozy library, there were several students, but for the most part it was empty; the majority of students were in class. There wasn't anything wrong with the outside world; logically it must be something with him. He had no idea what was making his stomach churn and head feel dizzy, yet not sickly. Severus' potion was probably wearing off. At this thought his heart beat double time, Severus. He groaned he'd freaked out at him earlier today. The only proper thing for him now, was to humble himself to apologize. His more overbearing side rationalized that it was entirely the potion's master's fault for provoking him. His lip lifted as he let out a low-pitched growl, Severus had made last night sound like it was his fault, as if him being a werewolf was to blame. It was hardly his fault Severus was a disgusting, seductive...Remus' eyes widened...seductive...where had that come from? Remus felt a sudden wave of sickness; he stood up quickly and rushed for the hall bathroom.  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
'Draco Malfoy, prince of Slytherin, rich, classy, pureblood whore...NOOOO, pureblood god, stupid Mudblood, interrupting his self praising thoughts!' He was on his way to a breakthrough, a new adjective to be added, and her insult had come to mind.  
  
A Malfoy does not admit that something has bothered him, oh something can, but it's a matter of making sure no one notices. He was having a rather difficult time keeping his cool chic façade. It was not common that two events set him off kilter, perturbing him so.  
  
First Granger had snapped and said several things outside the normal Malfoy- golden trio naming calling criteria; she had ruined a perfectly good routine, in which he usually dominated because that stupid Weasley couldn't keep his cool. Secondly his favorite teacher and favorite semi-relation pureblood had betrayed him. Now he was not sure what was what.  
  
He'd decided Magical Care was a waste of his time, he usually would not pass up a chance to insult the hairy oaf or the dream team, but he was not up to his usual insulting caliber and did not wish to give allusions that something was wrong. Therefore he was making his way to the library, yes, and prefect time to take out some trick spell books with no risk of anyone seeing Mr. Cool in the library. He still had a reputation to uphold and wasn't about to jeopardize it after so many hours in front of the mirror perfecting the 'Malfoy Sneer'. Oh yes, most people thought that sort of quality has inherited, it was partly, but the Malfoy himself/herself had to take the sneer and make part of it his/her own. Perfection was the ultimate goal.  
  
He was pondering this, but not hard enough to create a wrinkle above his perfect brow, as Lupin came flying out of the library, rushed for the bath across the hall.  
  
Draco jumped back in surprise. This was not something you saw every day, even at Hogwarts. Draco smirked again. He would have new fuel to make fun of the Golden Trio, insult their favorite teacher. Ah yes, he felt his power return...mwahahahaha.  
  
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Severus had had the whole afternoon of classes to vent his anger and disbelief concerning his current situation with the werewolf. It did nothing to alleviate his frustration. As soon as classes ended, he stormed into the headmaster's office.  
  
"ALBUS," he roared as he climbed up the stairs to his office. After many late night meetings with his death eater friends, he was always given the passwords to the headmaster's office, and their unique relationship allowed him to call the schoolmaster by his first name in stressful situations.  
  
He arrived in front of the headmaster's desk, red faced and out of breath. He looked up to find that Dumbledore was currently in 'discussion' with McGonagall.  
  
"Yes I do believe those magenta curtains would liven up the...oh hello Severus." McGonagall smiled up from her tea.  
  
Severus cringed. He ignored her and turned to Dumbledore returning to his usual schooled tone, "When you have the time headmaster I request an audience concerning a certain, DOG's stay here." He growled, and nodded towards McGonagall before departing. The headmaster would send a note his way when he was free.  
  
Severus walked determinedly towards the Great Hall and ran into the last person he wanted to see. His heart skipped.  
  
Remus was walking in the opposite direction with his head down. He looked unwell.  
  
"Lupin," Severus hissed from the opposite side of the hall. To his surprise Remus made no response. This enraged Severus more; he hated being ignored when he was raining hate down on someone.  
  
"LUPIN," he shouted, the remaining students scurried out of the hall, leaving the two teachers alone. Severus was still feared.  
  
Remus looked up in surprise. His already discolored face, paled further.  
  
"Severus..."  
  
Severus strode towards him till they were about a foot apart. Remus cringed visibly, but kept his hand on his stomach.  
  
"I never want your filth to grace my presence again. I've talked with Albus and he has agreed that considering the current situation, you should depart immediately." He said professionally. So it was a lie, Severus never claimed to be an honest man.  
  
Remus gave Severus a baleful look with his beautiful amber colored eyes, "Severus, I had wished you would be apologizing after this afternoon and we could put this whole matter of last night behind us. But apparently I forgot your inability to forgive or forget."  
  
"You bloody well tried to kill me in fifth year, and you always expected me to forgive you, how the hell could I forgive a blood thirsty monster, especially that I am now stuck with your sorry soul forever." Severus spat back directly into Remus' face.  
  
"You know very well I had nothing to do with what happened, and using it again and again in this poor 'Sevie act' is just...pathetic of a man of your...stature." Remus snarled.  
  
Severus' fists tightened and he backed Remus up against the wall.  
  
Remus' lips tightened. "Fine, I'll be gone by morning and you'll get what you want, you'll never have to see my 'sorry soul' again."  
  
Severus brought his hands up and roughly pushed Remus against the wall. "This game is not funny Lupin, you know very well it won't work that way and we'll have to meet up considering our situation."  
  
Remus laughed, "If you're concerned about Order meetings, don't bother, I'll make sure I conveniently miss those ones you attend."  
  
Severus was mere inches from his face, his face redder then it had been earlier. "YOU SEEM TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER FOREVER."  
  
Remus stared back speechless as Severus finished his rant. Severus puffed; he felt the adrenaline rushing in his ears. His eyes traveled to Remus' cute feminine lips and he felt the need to control. He grabbed Remus by the shoulders and pushed his face forward.  
  
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Ginny wandered aimlessly through the halls, she wasn't really ready to go for dinner. She was sick of the negative aura that surrounded Harry these days. She'd tried to bring a brighter element to the conversations but she'd probably made things worse. She wondered why no one was around, when she heard shouting from the adjacent hall. She could clearly make out the voice of her grouchy potion's professor but could hardly make out the other softer voice. She peeked around the corner as Snape shoved her beloved ex- professor towards the wall. Her fists clenched. That bastard! She felt like rushing forward but decided against it; she was less rash then her older brother. She decided to listen to the conversation instead.  
  
"This game is not funny Lupin, you know very well it won't work that way and we'll have to meet up considering our situation."  
  
Remus laughed, "If you're concerned about Order meetings, don't bother, I'll make sure I conveniently miss those ones you attend."  
  
Severus was mere inches from his face, his face redder then it had been earlier. "YOU SEEM TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER FOREVER."  
  
Ginny watched as Snape leaned forward, she gasped. She watched for Remus' response to being kissed by the disgusting potion's master, and was surprised yet again as Remus leaned into the kiss and his hands went behind Snape's head.  
  
Then something changed, something clicked seemed to click in Snape's head, something was wrong with this picture. Ginny watched as he roughly pushed Remus away again. Remus fell surprised and unceremoniously to the floor.  
  
"NO!" Professor Snape said loudly, "This is not going to happen again."  
  
'AGAIN?!?!?!' Ginny couldn't believe this, this had happened before. She leaned in to hear Remus' softer response.  
  
"Please don't yell at me Severus, you kissed me..." Remus said more harshly then Ginny had ever heard him speak. This kiss thing had obviously had a large effect on him.  
  
"You're the werewolf." Snape used his age-old argument.  
  
Remus hung his head, "Sorry..." then seemed to change his mind, "No Severus, I'm not sorry for what I am. I'm sorry for last night, I'm sorry you can't see past the beast and I'm sorry for what Sirius did to you, but I'm not sorry for who I am." Remus smiled to himself and looked up into Snape's onyx eyes, "Bye Severus, I'm sure you'll have me gone by morning." He stood and pushed past Severus and moved on without looking back.  
  
Snape stood stunned. The look of pity in Remus' eyes was the same bloody look he received from Albus many times. He despised it. He turned sharply but Remus was already out of his grasp and at the end of the hallway opposite to Ginny's end.  
  
He sneered was much as possible, "Running away again Mutt?" Remus only shook his head and continued on. Severus growled in frustration and turned with a sweep of his robes in the other direction. He walked purposefully to his chambers; he completely missed the small red head, flattened against the wall.  
  
As soon as Snape was out of sight Ginny raced to her rooms.  
  
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Hermione picked at her food, occasionally throwing Ron a disgusted look. Honestly would it kill the boy to eat properly? She guessed so.  
  
Hermione wondered where Ginny had gotten to; she could use the younger girl's conversation. She'd had a short confrontation with Malfoy on her way back from Arithmathy; it wasn't a big deal, just the usual insult parents, looks and such. But she wanted to vent and she could hardly tell Ron or Harry because they'd freak and try to pick a fight with Malfoy, they'd probably lose more house points. Hermione leaned on her hand and sighed, yes she needed her female friend today, boost her self-esteem. But apparently Ginny couldn't hear her thoughts because she missed dinner all together.  
  
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A/N: Thanks for reading through this chapter. I promise the next one will deal with the whole 'mating' theme. And sorry to closet geek for the dream part...*hugs*.  
  
If you enjoyed this chapter of this particular story, please do review; the author would greatly appreciate the thought! 


	6. Frustration

Disclaimer: The people, place and situations surrounding the story are not mine.

Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.

Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno.

A/N: Hello, long time no write. For which I apologize. I've had a bit of a falling out with writing, it happens. Not too impressed with this chapter, but bare with me they will get better. I have yet to read HBP because I wished to finish off this story first so please if you review refrain from referencing it. As always enjoy and constructive criticism is appreciated.

Chapter 6: Frustration

"Harry how could you?" Hermione asked in disbelief.

Harry shrugged and hung his head looking guiltily at the floor. "I wasn't thinking." He mumbled to his best friend who had her arms firmly crossed and wore a face of strong disapproval.

"That's right Harry." She chided. Harry wouldn't meet her eye. Hermione sighed and uncrossed her arms, "Sorry Harry, I know you've been under a lot of stress with recent events and the prophecy."

Harry finally looked up and gave her a half smile.

"But it still wasn't a very nice thing to say." Hermione finished, and Harry grimaced.

"I know Hermione, but he just didn't seem like he cared for Sirius at all. He was trying to comfort me but he didn't seem to have any feelings towards Sirius. I thought they were best friends. And then he defended Snape and I lost it." Harry clenched his fists.

Hermione put a comforting arm around the famous boy, "I know Harry. But I think Hagrid was right. Maybe Professor Lupin was trying not to show his hurt and just because Sirius…passed away doesn't mean you can hate the world."

Harry rudely shook her arm off, "You just don't understand. You think I'm over reacting too. See what you feel like when your parents die and the only hope you had for a family died as well."

Hermione's mouth moved silently in shock. Harry turned on his heel, and took off towards the common room. Hermione regained herself and rushed to catch up with him.

"Harry James Potter, don't be so goddamn selfish. How dare you claim that I don't understand? I've lost people too, maybe not to the degree you have but I lost people I loved. Everyone is trying so hard to make you feel better and all you do is blow up at them. Did you even stop to think that maybe Professor Lupin only came here to help you, and maybe he's just as angry and sad as you but he's putting it aside to make you feel better? We're only trying to help."

Harry glared at his brown-haired companion, "Well if this is your idea of help, then I don't want it."

Hermione gave up and turned away as tears formed under her eyes.

* * *

Remus Lupin sat alone under one of the many trees at the side of the Lake outside of the ever famous School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He slowly sipped his chilled Pumpkin Juice and stared at the Squid and its antics.

It was the afternoon after his fight with Severus in the hallway and he had been avoiding the ill-tempered man ever since. Not that he was being childish or that he was afraid of the man, he merely did not wish for further confrontations.

Yesterday was probably one of the most miserable days of his life that wasn't part of the war or death. First he woke up in the arms of one Severus Snape and all the loveliness that had followed from that encounter. In the evening he'd had tea with the Trio and Hagrid and the day had just gotten worse. Harry had blown up at him while he was trying to make the boy feel better. He had promised himself he would be strong and supportive but Harry didn't seem to find him so. Remus shook his head, on top of all his horrible social dilemmas he hadn't wanted to bother the headmaster so he'd spent the night on one of those horrible hospital beds having complained about headaches. Which was not far from the truth, he still felt unwell.

The responsible thing for him to do would be to tell the mediwitch and have her check him out. But in all honesty he was afraid of what she'd find. He was pretty sure he was dying. Werewolves don't usually live as long as other wizards. If they take the potion for most of their transformations then the life expectancy is about the same, but he was pretty sure he'd gone too many moons without the potion to reverse the effects.

Remus stood and sighed; he no longer wished to think such dreary thoughts and made his way back towards the castle. He wasn't sure how he felt about his own death but he was surprisingly content that he'd talked some things over with Severus, even if it was under much influence of alcohol, nothing had changed. But maybe it would.

* * *

Severus stood in on of the many towers of the castle staring at the all too familiar figure making his way towards the front entrance.

The Headmaster came up behind him. "Severus I'm surprised to find you this far your dungeon. About yesterday…"

Severus didn't take his eyes of the retreating figure, "I apologize again for the intruding.

"Don't worry about it my boy, but was there something you wished to discuss with me?"

"It was nothing of importance." Severus replied curtly and he turned around smoothly, nodded to Dumbledore and left the tower sanctuary.

* * *

Dumbledore stood in front of the Great Hall smiling at the many students and teachers of Hogwarts.

"I'd like to make an announcement before we start our evening meal."

Heads swiveled towards him and he was given full attention.

"As many of you have noted, Hogwarts has had a certain problem, shall we say, with filling the DADA's teaching position. I am pleased to announce that it will no longer be necessary for me to cover the classes. If you will direct your attention to the man on my right, I would like to introduce to you, your new DADA's teacher Sturgis Podmore, please give him a round of applause." Dumbledore sat and called with the rest.

Sturgis stood up, hands sweating, "He-lloo. I'm your new teacher. I hop-e we have a goo-d year together." He smiled and sat down. He was an information gatherer for the Order of the Phoenix and had many years of training but he had never been a teacher, it was an entirely new situation to him. But Dumbledore had wanted the extra defense around Harry Potter and the castle.

Sturgis scanned the faces of the other members of the staff and smiled wider when he stopped on Remus Lupin at the end of the table. He has always harbored a liking towards the werewolf back in his school days. That hadn't changed in time. Remus gave him an encouraging smile. Sturgis felt his cheeks heat slightly, he was a grown man and still acted like a teenager. He averted his eyes.

* * *

Throughout the meal it became distinctly noticeably that there was animosity within the Dream Trio. Hermione and Ron sat on one side of the table, in deep conversation and the Great Harry Potter sat mumbling to his food and glaring towards anyone who was so unfortunate enough to catch his eye.

Harry was feeling even more horrible than earlier he'd been yelled at by his two best friends and made an enemy of his favorite teacher. To make matters worse he had a potions assignment which still needed hours of work. It always seemed like school work loved to add to the misery of his inner turmoil.

One thing was looking up for him, thought, since DADA now had a permanent teacher he could return to his favorite subject in full form, as well he had met Podmore on several occasions and found him to be a good sort and secretly hoped it would at least give him some higher standings within the staff.

He knew he'd eventually have to make up with everyone but for now he was content to drown in his own misery, there at least nothing else could go wrong.

* * *

Severus Snape was not a coward. He had been called many things within his time, but coward was not one of them. But it was not without surprise that was given to being cowardly on several occasions; especially when it concerned relationships and mainly a 'relationship' with a certain werewolf. He knew he really needed to deal with the fact that well, werewolves mated for life, it was rather important that the whole 'guidelines' of the principle where explained to both parties involved. After many tries and pieces of parchment he'd finally decided on a curt invite to tea that would hopefully clear up the matter and maybe then he'd be free of the werewolf. He sent the note and made the time for 8 o'clock that evening, he ignored the questioning looks for Mr. Lupin throughout the long supper.

* * *

Remus knocked hesitantly on the door to Severus' rooms, when there was no immediate response he turned to leave, suddenly not so sure of himself. He made this way up to one of the towers. He caught sight of Dumbledore, who beckoned to him. Remus sighed, it seemed there was something more important then his feelings at the moment.

* * *

"Hermione…HERMIONE...WAKE UP" Ginny whispered urgently.

"What?" Came the very tired and annoyed voice of the intelligent Gryffindor.

"I need to talk to you." Hermione released herself from the piles of bedding and swung her legs over the bed, glaring at the fully clothed red head.

"Why aren't you in your own room and in bed, like any sane teenager?" Hermione grumbled as she felt around for her slippers.

"I couldn't sleep, you know with Harry being so mad at us and stuff. So I went for a walk and I remembered and well….I just needed to tell someone. It's kind of weird and I wanted to ask your advice."

Hermione sighed and guided that girl down to the empty common room, sending a distinct look towards the grand father clock that read a little after 2.

When they were finally both settled before the cold fireplace, Hermione turned towards the younger girl, "Okay, I'm up and I'm listening, what was so important that it couldn't wait till morning."

Ginny blushed, suddenly unsure of herself

"Well…I was walking around the halls…and don't give me that look Hermione, you do it to, and I had Harry's cloak from the last time we went for a midnight hot chocolate…"

Hermione rolled her eyes, "And..?"

"And I remembered something important that happened yesterday, you know how I missed supper?"

Hermione nodded.

"Well…you won't believe it but…Snape and Remus are…well were, well I don't know exactly but they…"

"Spit it out GINNY" Hermione yelled in frustration.

"They're shaggin'" Ginny finished off.

Hermione stared in disbelief, "They're what?"

"Oh come on Hermione you're not that much of a stickler, you know they're having se…"

"I know what Shagging means Ginny!"

Ginny blushed. "Of course you do. Anyway they had some sort of fight yesterday and they're both really upset, so I'm hoping maybe…it's kind of cute. Even if Severus is a greasy git…maybe we could…help?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, Ginny was always so interested in setting people up, "Fine, but I still don't believe this, how could Remus ever go for a greasy git like Snape, I mean it's a little gross."

"You're right. They'd never get together if Snape continues to be such a bastard." Ginny sounded disappointed.

"Sorry Gin, I just don't see how…unless." Hermione went silent.

Ginny brightened, "Unless WE show Remus the "good side" of Snape…I'm sure he must have one. And then they can be together, and it'll be cute."

"Oh Ginny, you were always a fan of the yaoi weren't you?"

* * *

A/N: So there you have it. I would like to add an extra thanks to all of you who still read my stories and say such nice things about them. 


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